


i'll drown my beliefs, to have you live in peace

by xclassicaddy



Category: The Misfits (Podcast)
Genre: AU, Cam | GoodGuyFitz/Swaggersouls - Freeform, Explicit Language, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Switz, Time Loop, Torture, and i trust google docs not to screw things up, fluff? but like later, im so sorry, not a good time, sorry i didnt proof read this, swaggersoulsxfitz, this is kinda cringe so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-15
Updated: 2019-11-15
Packaged: 2021-01-31 00:14:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21437023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xclassicaddy/pseuds/xclassicaddy
Summary: Hums of distant fans swirled around his head, beckoning him to wake. Since when was his room so... cold? The air was crisp, and now that he's thinking about it, it's getting harder and harder to breathe. Drowsiness was flushed away as soon as his eyes rested on the chilled steel cuffs tightened around his wrists.He definitely wasn't home.orthat one time loop au with elements of kidnapping and ptsd(story inspired by 'Would You Rescue Me If I Need Your Help' by @/Thatonepersonoooo)
Relationships: Cam | GoodGuyFitz/SwaggerSouls
Comments: 5
Kudos: 51





	i'll drown my beliefs, to have you live in peace

**Author's Note:**

> ive never really wrote a story before, let alone a fanfic so im sorry if its bad
> 
> also i dont ship the people, more so the personas. like, im not really into them fucking n stuff but its fine if u are  
also also, please dont show my story in videos, or derogatory posts. if u dont like the story, dont read? and like i get how it can b seen as weird but just dont
> 
> anyways sorry for message, i hope you enjoy chapter one <3

A low, annoying buzz rang throughout the spacious, pale room. Eric stirred awake, his back ached due to his position. He was upright, presumably he dozed off while editing. He sleepily attempted to stand. It was a mistake. His wrists screamed in absolute agony, and Eric let out a tiny whine. 

“Hey-”

His words were caught in his mouth. He saw chains. Fucking chains. Like the kinds you see on locked gates at abandoned compounds. He thrashed violently, despite the obvious pain searing through his body. It hurt so much. He could even feel his blood ooze out of him. He couldn’t see anything, which caused him to struggle even more.

“Help! Fucking help me!”

He soon tired himself out, panting heavily as he quit. He mildly trembled, tears pricking at the edge of his eyes. His limbs were sore, his throat was dry. His hair stuck oddly to his forehead, beads of sweat dripped down his face. Was he dying?

The air was strangely thick, and damp. An unknown force was pushing down on him, as if the air pressure was the same as the top of a mountain. It was suffocating him, and he was on the brink of a panic attack. And it didn’t help that he couldn’t see anything, it was far too dark.

In a fit of unexplained rage, he rocked the chair, trying to tip it over. But it was nailed to the ground. Eric groaned in frustration, pulling at his constrictions. Dried blood stained the rusted shackles, and it made Eric want to vomit. Bursts of energy coursed through Eric, causing him to kick and shout.

It didn’t work, obviously. 

Eventually he quit. He slumped in the seat, accepting his fate. He just wished fate would make this a little less painful, and little more faster. 

Moments later, he heard talking from outside the space. He suppressed crying out for help. He didn’t want to risk anything. But, Eric morbidly thought, what did he have to lose?

“H-hey! I’m-I’m in here! Please!” He pleaded with everything left in him. He felt a burning sensation within him. Eric guessed it was his body telling him to stop. He didn’t though. Not if it meant he could leave.

“I need help! Please!” 

After a while, he stopped. The voices continued, mocking him. It then became clear. Those were his captors. Guarding the one door in this goddamn building. He was nauseous. And really bitter. Why him? 

Eric felt his face get sticky, acutely aware he was crying. All the pride he’s ever thought he had, had been washed down the drain beneath him, going somewhere better than where he was currently sitting. 

______

Eric fell in and out of consciousness. The third time he came back to his senses, two men stood infront of him. They weren’t armed, but they were stocky. One of them was more fit than the other, but they were both tall. They towered over Eric, just like Cam does.

The name caused Eric to lose it. He knew Cam and his friends were probably out looking for him. But Eric pessimistically thought they wouldn’t make it in time. They probably didn’t even know he’s gone. Maybe they thought he was out partying like every other night. 

The men chatted silently among eachother, in another language, Spanish, Eric assumed. They glanced between themselves and Eric. Everytime their eyes connected with Eric’s, he shrank in his seat, fear pumping through his veins. The burly one spoke up.

“You have money, yes?”

He had a thick accent, making it just barely comprehensible. Eric hastily nodded, hoping it would be as easy as that.

“Very good. Your friends have money too, right?”

Eric was skeptical. What did they have to do with this? 

“Right..”

“You have a lot of money?”

“Yeah..”

“Good.”

And with that, they both turned around, exiting the room. Eric had so many questions. Did they want his friends money? Were they kept hostage too? Did they even know he was gone? Was this a ransom? Was he the colateral? He prayed all of the answers were no. He hoped he was in this by himself.

“Holy shit..”

Eric’s eyelids were surprisingly heavy. He shut his eyes, drifting into a heavy sleep. It wasn’t a very good sleep though. As it was riddled with nightmares and false hope.

______

Eric was roused up, an intense light was shining on him. He instinctively went to bring his hand up to cover his eyes, but he couldn’t. Right. He was a hostage.

“Your awake now? Good. Stay up. And if you scream.. you know what happens.” 

It was another man this time around, Eric could differentiate them from their voices. Sadly, the light was too harsh to judge off of looks. So if he were to escape, he’d have no idea who his tortutors were.

Eric waited for the man to disappear for him to panic. If he had known he’d be taken, he would’ve told everyone his deepest, darkest secrets. He doesn’t want to die with regrets. He also had so many things he wanted to do. So many things he wanted to try. So many people he wanted to meet. He had so many more stories to tell, so many more adventures to go on. But he couldn’t now.

“Fuck!” 

Moments later, two men charged into the room. One of them flicked off the once bright bulb. Then, they both retreated to behind the doors they broke into. Eric blinked rapidly, adjusting to the sudden absence of light. He held his breath, waiting to see what was to happen.

“If.. if you’re going to shoot me. Fucking shoot me.” He barked, which earned a grunt from one of the men. They barely acknowledged him. 

“Just kill me!” He wailed, a wave of despair washed over him. He was greeted with silence. What were they doing? “Fuck you!” 

“Eric?” A faint voice called. At first, Eric thought he was hearing things. Was he finally losing his mind? He always suspected he was unstable. Was this the final straw? It assured him that being in a life threatening situation was what drove him mad, and not by anything natural.

“Eric! Are you here?” It became more clear, more distinct. Was it really..?

“Cam! I'm here!” He felt himself relax. For the first time in a while, he felt hopeful. He was- Was Cam by himself? There wasn’t any cops? No backup? Oh shit. They wanted him alone. Because that meant it was easier to get rid of the body.

“Cam don’t come in here! You’ll ge-”

One of the men deftly leapt to his feet, rushing over to Eric. He was a good foot above him. The man cursed under his breath, holding a gun to Eric’s temple. In Eric’s peripheral vision, he caught sight of Cam. He held his tongue, feeling content for a split second.

The cold barrel of the firearm was quite a contrast to the heat he felt from seeing Cam. Then the grim reality set in. The revolver clicked, and Eric shook his head. He couldn’t die now. Cam just got here. He was getting saved. 

“Ca-”

____________________

Eric shuddered awake, blood pushing up his throat and onto his shoes. It pooled at his feet, dying the concrete floor. It must’ve been one hell of a nightmare. He remembered.. He suppressed that thought. It seemed so surreal. The realization that it wasn’t churned something unknown in Eric. He was happy, yes, but also upset. He didn’t know how much longer he could take this.

This whole situation was his own personal hell. A hell he couldn’t escape. Eric felt himself ironically chuckle at that. He was definitely losing his mind.

“Your awake now? Good. Stay up. And if you scream.. you know what happens.

Eric shivered. Those were the words.. Nevermind. He felt an unholy confidence stir up in him, causing him to stare at the man. The man simply stared back, and finally scoffed, turning on his heels to leave.

“What the fuck?” Eric thought aloud. What was that? That was almost certainly in his dream. Or nightmare. Whatever the right terminology was. Which wasn’t the point. Right now, he was threatened, the same way he was before. Maybe he’s a psychic. Maybe this is how people discover their psychic abilities.

Rapid footsteps approached the doors, the two men from earlier bursting in. They crouched behind open doors, hidden from plain view.

This time, Eric kept his mouth shut. They seemed to signal to eachother that something or someone was coming, and they were right.

“Eric!”

Cam? Holy shit, it was Cam again. Eric felt more blood-puke rise from his stomach, and it caused him to lurch forward, letting it spill. He was sick of this.

“Cam? Don’t come in here! Pleas…” He didn’t want a repeat of his fake memory. What if it was warning him of this? He couldn’t let Cam get hurt. 

“Leave, Cam! It’s not safe! There’s people behind the door..” He saw one of them point their gun at him. He didn’t care though. If he was gonna die, he was gonna die a selfless asshole.

“Eric..” Cam stood a good three feet from the doorway. He was about ready to step in, when one of the guards pounced in front of him, spraying bullets in his direction.

Eric’s mind went blank after that.

____________________

He shook awake, immediately hurling blood and spit to the ground. His delirious mind growing more and more agitated. He was here again? What the absolute hell?

“Your awake now? Good. Stay up. And if you scream.. you know what happens.”

As soon as the man left, Eric lunged forward, trying to squirm out of the chains. They were too tight, but that didn’t matter. He couldn’t let Cam die again. He banged the links against the armrest, attempting to crack them open. 

He was cut short when two very familiar men came in. They did their routine, concealing themselves behind those damn doors. He grew furious. He would have to see Cam again, right?

“Eric!”

It was confirmed, he had to relive yet another horrific event. Was he dreaming this? Did he finally lose his fucking marbles and begin hallucinating his best friend dying over and over? Was he really dead and this is what the afterlife is like? Because if it is, then God’s really fucked up.

“Cam! I’m begging you, please don’t come in here! There’s guys behind the door!” The men snapped their heads at him. They were snarling like dogs. But it didn’t matter, right? They had guns. They’d win. Again.

“Eric…” Cam was so close yet so far. Cam’s hair was messy, and his expression was quite similar. He was visibly distressed, his hands were wrapped around a crowbar. At least this time he brought a weapon.

“Turn back!” Eric sank in his seat, knowing what was to come next. The men both came out from behind the doors. And Eric screwed his eyes shut, listening to shots and cries right in front of him.

____________________

“C-Cam..” he choked out. His mind was hazy, just barely recalling the events of last time. Was this even real? Was he being tested? Was this a game?

“You’re awake now? Good. Stay up. And if you scream.. you know what happens.”

“Yeah, I fucking know.” Eric retorted, venom dripping with each word.

“You’ll see how long you’ll last, talking like that.” The man came closer, their faces close enough their breaths ghosted each others faces. It scared Eric shitlessly. What would he do? Did Eric really care?

Eric spit, and fortunately, it came with blood. The man wrinkled his nose in disgust, backing away from Eric. He spoke offensively, in a foreign tongue. Eric smirked, slowly accepting what this whole thing has become. Eric wished it wouldn’t reset again, he wished it’d just let him die.

What Eric didn’t expect was a different man approaching, with a rifle. He smashed the end of it into Eric’s head, muttering a string of curses. Eric knew better than to reply, or even whine. He sat, stoic. He wouldn’t give in. At least not until they left.

Shockingly, the two guards didn’t come in and do their usual. He was alone. Did he finally break free from the cycle? Was it over?

Seconds later, he heard muffled shouts through the walls. It was Cam. He was back. Again. As much as Eric was excited to see him, he knew of the dangers beyond the door. He couldn’t let himself cave in. If this time was truly different, does that mean it won’t reset?

Cam timidly cracked open the door, peeking inside. After noticing Eric, he dashed in, pocketing his knife. 

“Eric, you’re.. You’re alive!” He exclaimed, cupping Eric’s cheek. Eric nuzzled into the touch, the first comfort he’s experienced in days. 

“You have to leave.. It’s not safe here.” 

Eric’s words fell on deaf ears. Cam simply shook his head, an earnest sparkle in his eyes. His thumb began grazing over Eric’s rough skin

“I don’t care anymore.”

A shot rang through the room. Eric flinched, his ears began buzzing irritably. When he opened his eyes, Cam’s hand dropped. Eric bounded forward, but the chains pulled him right back. He let out a somberful screech.

Cam folded in on himself, knees slamming into the ground. A sad smile tugged at his lips, his eyes fluttering shut.

Eric was grateful his eyes began fluttering shut too. He didn’t have to witness Cam dying. 

____________________

Bewildered, Eric clutched the arms of the chair as he began crying. Everything was too hard. This was all too much. Eric wanted out. He couldn’t stand seeing Cam die another time.

“You’re awake now? Good. Stay up. And if you scream.. you know what happens.”

Eric glared at him with watery vision. Everything was a blur. The men stood behind the door, waiting for Cam to come. Eric merely rested his head on the headboard of the chair, staring up at the skylight. He didn’t even blink when he heard shots. 

Eric was being given second chances, but what more could he do? He was caged like a zoo animal. Displayed for the world to see. Or rather more accurately, his captors to see.

____________________

Eric clamped his eyes, just wanting a break. What did he do to deserve this never-ending torture? Clearly he did something that was worth a thousands death.

“Your awake now? Good. Stay up. And if you scream.. you know what happens.”

That infamous phrase. Eric clenched his fists, violently throwing his arms towards the man. But of course, he was contained. Eric was like a muzzled animal, desperately trying to break free. 

“Stop that.” The man scolded, before turning away.

Eric mentally shielded himself from everything, staying in his mind, reciting facts and rules. He was halfway through Newton’s law, when Eric heard commotion.

He pretended he didn’t hear the gunshots.

____________________

“You’re awake now? Good. Stay up. And if you scream.. you know what happens.”

Everything seemed to merge together, and quite frankly, Eric didn’t care. He just replayed that small moment of bliss that happened timelines ago. If only.. Nevermind. He shouldn’t get his hopes up.

It was a curse and a blessing that Cam wouldn’t ever remember that.

____________________

“You’re awake now? Good. Stay up. And if you scream.. you know what happens.”

“Got it.” Eric winked. Crimson blood dripped from his lips, he lost track of what cycle it was. Was it Sixth? Seventh? 

“Cocky, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, and there’s more where that came from.”

The man chuckled, seemingly doubting his false confidence. The click of the man's heels grew distant. Eric’s rage subsided, he no longer cared. He was extremely apathetic. This was one way to break a man’s will. Eric didn’t understand anything anymore. He thought he had a grasp of physics, but that must’ve been bullshit.

Everything turned out to be bullshit.

The guys came in the room, leaving Eric almost in shambles. Did they know? If they did, they probably wouldn’t be here, right? Eric almost felt bad. They lived to repeat the same exact moment, over and over. Holy shit, was that stockholm syndrome?

Eric could’ve sworn the wait was longer than usual. Did Cam give up on him? Was he busy? Was he already dead? Eric sighed, memories flashed across his mind. He never knew how desperate for touch he was until now. Even bumping legs with someone under the table seemed like a privilege now.

Eventually, the men went over to Eric, checking on him. They put their fingers on his neck, as if they couldn’t tell if he was dead or alive. He lurched forward, his stomach contents and blood ruining the men’s clothes. Blood and mucus coated their black jackets and designer shoes. They both angrily dropped their weapons, beating Eric to a pulp. After every strike, he wheezed another snarky response, triggering another set of punches. 

As depressing as it was, it was contact with another person. This gave him hope. If he dies right now, it’ll reset. Maybe Cam can come up with a tactical solution. Yeah, Cam was smart like that. Wait why did he want Cam to come? 

Butterflies flew in his stomach, knocking against the walls. Was Cam not coming? Eric was a tiny bit disappointed, before reasoning he deserved to rot in here. Cam had a life, a career. He had people to please. And people who would grieve. Eric had none of that.

“Hey Eric!” Cam cheerily shouted.

Why is he happy? Doesn’t he know what comes next? It was a curse to have the knowledge of the future. Why couldn’t anyone else have this? Maybe his selfishness was the cause of this. Shit.

“Please..” He held it together. He had to. “Go. Don’t come in here..” Only Eric could hear his low pleads.

No, stop! Please go. Turn around, and forget about me! Eric couldn’t speak. He was frozen with fear. He needs to warn Cam, why can’t he fucking do anything? 

The men jumped to get their deposited handguns, but Cam was quicker.

A shit ton of bullets fired Eric’s way, knocking down at least one guy. Cam had a gun. That’s why he took so long. Eric’s body felt light, almost vibrant for the first time in a while. Cam was here and-

The last standing man stood tall, while Cam collapsed. The man chuckled, treading over to the body. Why wasn’t the world restarting? Was this it? Cam was fucking dead and Eric was still here?

“Cam! Cam!” 

Eric fought against the chains, ignoring the blood pouring from his open wounds. He couldn’t take another heartbreak. Eric came to terms with his crush. He’s denied it for a long time, but he wished he took it into his own hands. Rejection couldn’t hurt as much as this. Eric buried his face into his own shoulder, as another shot echoed. God didn’t let him have another redo. Why couldn’t Eric just die already?

“Hey..” Cam gasped, blood splattered across his face. Cam smiled softly, his hands unlocking the cuffs with key.

“C-cam.. You’re alive… Cam!” Nothing could express how estatic Eric was. He wrapped his arms around Cam, letting out ugly sobs. Cam returned the embrace, his grip grew tight.

“I’m so sorry it took so long.”

Cam had lived to die. He died so many times, and he would never know. He had met the same demise over and over. And Cam apologized. Eric half-assed laughed, with no humor behind it.

“It’s my fault, they would have never- never-“

“Let’s go home, yeah?”

“Mhm..”

Cam eventually pulled back, but intertwined his fingers with Eric’s broken ones. Eric was overwhelmed a little. The last time he was touched, it was hard blows to his face. And before that, it was the gentle caress of Cam. But, with the memories too fresh, he refused to drift back to that.

But that didn’t stop Eric from being miserable, Cam wouldn’t remember the interaction. In Eric’s book, Cam had no knowledge of it. It didn’t happen. Would Cam do that to him now? Did he do that in the heat of the moment? 

Eric felt sniffles escape from his nose. And for a split second, Eric couldn’t hear anything. As if he was trapped in a bubble of his own troubles. Then, as soon as Cam connected their hands again, the bubble popped. 

Pain struck Eric, especially when he walked. Every step was a battle itself, and his bones attempted to resist. Some of his ribs must’ve been broken, because he crippled into himself. But it couldn’t size up to what Cam had to deal with. He died. A lot. And got shot. How did he survive? He just wanted to lie down and stop thinking.

“How did you, uhm..” Eric vaguely gestured with his hands what he meant.

“I came prepared, young buck.” 

Cam unzipped his damaged coat, revealing a bullet proof vest with several shots indented in it. Eric was swept with relief, grateful that Cam put some thought into this timeline’s plan. That he didn’t just perish like so many other times.

Cam was unusually patient. He let Eric lean against him, which was more like Eric planted at his side. Even when Eric got into the car, Cam offered his hand. Eric eagerly took it, as if his life depended on it. Cam absently chatted, attempting to cheer Eric up. He talked about the news, some drama and the future. 

But, Eric grimly thought about how the whole world still spun without him living in it.

Cam didn’t comment on the uneven breathing Eric did, or how he choked on his own tears. At his depressing attempt to stay strong. Instead, he squeezed Eric’s hand, his thumb stroking all his cuts. Cam even whispered reassurance to his distressed friend.

After what seemed like forever, they arrived at their house. Eric began trembling, he didn’t want to be there. He turned to Cam, searching for a reason not to go into their spacious home. It was too much. What if he’s alone in his room? And they come back?

“Please.. I just wanna stay here.” Eric sounded pathetic, even to himself. He should be able to handle it. He’s a grown man, for christ’s sake.

“Yeah, we can-”

No, he won’t accept this pity. Especially when Cam had it a lot worse. He’ll be strong for Cam.

“Nevermind. I’m fine, perfectly fine..”

“Are you sure? I get how you feel.”

No he didn’t. He didn’t get how he felt. He couldn’t empathize for something he didn’t know. Cam wasn’t aware he died. That he died multiple times trying to save Eric. This was the first and only time he lived.

And Cam would never know that. Because Eric would spare him that truth.

“Yeah, man. I just wanna go inside, okay?!” Eric snapped, immediately regretting it after. Cam didn’t deserve this.

“Yeah, yeah. that’s fine. Just.. 

Cam hesitated, his eyebrows knitting together. He seemed like he wanted to say something else, but left it at that.

“Lets go, shall we?”

“Yeah.”

**Author's Note:**

> chapter 2 is in the works so stay tuned! feel free to write constructive criticism in the comments, or anything really lol


End file.
